A-Team (2010)

This week, I’m working in Delaware, but I don’t have an available hotel room. Crazy, right? I considered driving back and forth every day, as it’s about a 1:45 drive each way. I am already accustomed to my regular 1:15 commute, so enduring an extra 30 mins of highway driving isn’t outside the realm of possibility. In the end, my sister offered to let me stay with them for a few days in South Jersey. I was happy, as it saved me a good hour off my commute, and I could hang out with them for at least 2-3 nights.

Now, on to the movie review. Wednesday night, we all decided to catch the late showing of A-Team. If you haven’t heard, this is the latest 2010 remake of 70’s & 80’s entertainment properties. Now, I grew up in the 80’s getting my weekly fix of the A-Team. Who didn’t love Hannibal, Face, B.A., and Howlin’ Mad Murdock?

A-Team (2010)

Coincidentally, I recently caught a viewing of the pilot episode, which I don’t believe I’ve ever seen. I had no clue that Dirk Benedict was not the first choice for Templeton “Faceman” Peck. It was some Tim Duggar fellow who lasted one episode, and he didn’t have the same charisma of Dirk Benedict. You need a guy who can turn on the charm, and this fellow was just some guy with dark hair. He was that nondescript.

Back to the movie review — how do I put this? Starring Liam Neeson, Bradley Cooper, Rampage Jackson, and Sharto Copley, this movie is an amazing movie to be written and directed by…. an eleven-year old boy. That’s the only explanation for a film like this that had no basis in reality, history, or common sense. I don’t know where to begin to describe it, except that I had major problems with the movie’s logic within the first, say, 10 minutes of the beginning.

I’m not a 34-year old A-Team fanboy complaining that Rampage Jackson wasn’t a good Mr. T. As a matter of fact, I generally liked the actors in their specific roles, but I do admit that Jessica Biel didn’t quite fit. Instead, I’m referring to the non-sensical plot. Very little in the movie makes actual sense. Some examples from just the 30 mins, in no particular order, and here’s the obligatory minor spoiler warning anyway:

1. Hannibal escapes from the hands of corrupt Mexican Federal Police, runs across the Mexican desert (no car), and coincidentally meets B.A. driving along deserted road. Tries to carjack B.A, shoots him, but all is forgiven as they are both former U.S. Army Rangers.
2. Together, they rescue Face from a corrupt Mexican general. Btw, Face is also an Army Ranger.  They head to a Mexican insane asylum, and look for a pilot (I didn’t skip anything, that’s what happened), find Murdock, then steal a broken-down Mexican ambulance helicopter.  Murdock is a good choice, as he’s both American AND ALSO a former U.S. Army Ranger. Did I mention that only only Face and Hannibal know each other, but there a lot of “former U.S. Army Rangers” hanging around in the same dusty part of the Mexican countryside.
3. While in the broken-down helicopter, they then get chased by the aforementioned corrupt mexican general…. in his own attack helicopter. No worries, as it’s flown by a pilot with terrible skills. He can’t maneuver to catch the rusty helicopter, nor can he hit them with any of assortment of guns or missiles. Murdock avoids a barrage of heat-seeking missiles by doing a loop (still in the rusty helicopter), and then does a move where he turns off the engine, the helicopter engine cools down unrealistically fast, and the missiles strike each other. Oh, and the helicopter restarts, establishes adequate upward lift, and they get away again.
4. Finally, Hanibal makes a plan? He “tricks” the general into chasing them via helicopters over the U.S-Mexican border where the Mexican general is promptly shot down by a F-22 Raptor miraculously patrolling that portion of the border. Then the movie jumps to “8 years and 80 missions later”, they are now all re-enlisted in the U.S. Army, and serving in Iraq. The Raptor wasn’t in service eight years ago. Why would the Raptor be flying around with weapons hot, and then only shoot down the 2nd helicopter (with the bad guys?) Why would the Army take back former Army soldiers who are noticeably much older than the normal age range?

 The movie made about as much sense as the old 1960’s Batman tv show. It is extremely illogical, and most of the time, you get the sense that certain events and scenes are just set up for the next action sequence.  The writers made up story elements so that these key events can occur, or to move the flimsy plot. At one point, the A-Team steals a C-130 Hercules plane (with tank) from 3 Air Force men, from an Air Force base, without any weapons. Oh, they didn’t sneak and steal it. They walked onto the plane, and told the soldiers they were stealing it. One soldier says, “Oh, you’re the famous Hannibal Smith!” and says ok, and the three airbase men walk off the plane. Absolute nonsense.