My reflections on the year that was 2014

Posted on January 3, 2015 by Joel

Oh my God, what a year.

Where do I begin? How do I describe the level of bizarreness? To capture the exhaustion? The agony? The joy? The relief? This was one year of complete extremes. We had some great times, and some horrid times. I am off for a week

Career

I don’t usually start with ‘Career’, but what happened to me this year really impacted so much of my life. Last December, I mentioned that I had given notice at my last employer and I was going to a new Risk Management role. I even said I was “excited and optimistic” at the time. Oh, foolish Joel. The first hour on the first day started off well enough, but then the bait and switch began. At first I would be just “working” with another senior member of the group…. you know, for guidance. About two months later, we were all reorganized, and I was now reporting to this person.

It wasn’t terrible at first. I traveled around the country performing risk assessments of critical legal vendors. It was like auditing and consulting, and it felt great. I was in my element, helping to identify problems, and guiding them on process solutions. It was everything I could have dreamed up. Seattle, Boston, Washington DC, New York, San Francisco, Orlando, Chicago, Florida, Toronto. I was getting kudos from senior management on the issues I was identifying and raising. I was even specifically referenced during a team meeting as part of the “talent upgrade” this year.

And yet, month by month, this new management structure above me became a problem. I don’t know exactly what caused it, or when it happened. It was drips and drabs, but the oil and water didn’t mix. At my last job at Prudential, two of my former managers there gave me some good advice: Don’t be too nice. Be assertive. I was being too nice back then at times, and didn’t stand up for myself when some jerkoffs made shitty criticisms about me that weren’t accurate. It wasn’t a bad thing to stand up for yourself and correct people (in the least confrontational manner possible, of course.) It took a year or so there, but I finally got it. Rebecca and Dolores, thank you for that life lesson.

So this year, when this “new management structure above me” did the wrong things, or said incorrect things about me or my colleagues, or did shady things in general, I noticed it. And I went to talk to them about it, and called them out on it, in the least confrontational manner possible.

Yeah. He didn’t appreciate it. In fact, he attacked me for months at a time. Openly. On the office floor in front of colleagues. Or tried to undermine me during calls with external parties. I mean, it was so bad, three colleagues there individually advised me to call HR on the situation. One of them physically gave me the number. One especially bad week, they took me out to drinks, just to help me. Great guys that I worked with. Except for Voldemort, of course.

Halfway through the year, they changed my role too, so I was no longer traveling and doing the work I liked. I was now a paper pusher sitting in my cubicle all day, and Lumbergh came by daily to dump more of his work on me. And told colleagues to specifically schedule important meetings with me for 5 pm. And made up crazy company policies that weren’t true.

My dream job, the one I was so excited and optimistic about last year had become this nightmare situation.

I started interviewing with internal and external options in July, because everything I had done to reach out for help (up the management chain, HR, meetings with Voldemort), didn’t fix anything. I hunted like mad, worked ridiculous hours on nights and weekends, with a huge workload that exceeded what most of the team had been assigned. I became an absentee parent, and my wife had to carry the burden of running the household while I walked around in a daze.

I tried transferring out a number of times, but this “one year in your current position” requirement held me back. I did find a similar internal group that would have allowed me to do the work I came aboard for, but I’m still waiting for the position to officially open. Things move very slowly at large companies, it seems. Except bullshit — that stuff runs downhill fast. I could have hung around and waited, but the fear was that I would be waiting for months.

Recently, I found an opportunity that has me very interested. The management team is smart, intelligent, and impressive. My skills and expertise can help them reach their goals. I’ll be back to internal audit, but in a very different role. It looks promising, but I’ve been recently burned. I pray to God it’s a good place with good people, and rewarding work.

Life, Love, and Family

Apart from the work drama, it’s been a busy year for the Ipes.

The highlights:

  • In the spring, we considered looking at new homes. Well, it was mostly my wife who considered looking at new homes. I personally didn’t think there was any way in hell that we could afford it. God bless her, she drove the whole process, and made it happen. First we went house browsing. Then we found something we actually liked. Then we got help from family. Then we spoke to a hundred mortgage companies. Then we ran around like crazy. Then we bought a new house. That whole process went quickly, without much fuss.
  • I found my love of photography again. I got back into the swing of things after realizing that my photo style was blah. I was also pretty disappointed that all of our family memories were either blurry or underexposed. Really? Camera phones are nice, but not for the big moments in life. I read photography books, received a new Nikon DSLR 5200 camera (and two lenses this year), and have been increasing my proficiency with both Adobe Lightroom 5 and Photoshop.
  • We’ve been settling in slowly into the new home. We’ve probably had more people over now than we did in many years while at the townhouse. I don’t know if we had the official housewarming, but we’ve had BBQs and dinner parties at the house for many of our friends and family. That’s been nice. It hasn’t settled fully in my mind yet, but I’m hoping that will be happen now that I have time to breathe during my vacation.

The lowlights:

  • On the other hand, selling our townhouse of nine years took a wing, a prayer, elbow grease, and the luck of the Irish. We started doing home improvements for our own benefit in the beginning of the year, but that switched over to all the work we thought we needed to update the house to make it more attractive to potential home buyers. That resulted in lots of new carpet, paint, and fixtures within the house. And it resulted in a lot of yard work to help on curb appeal. My God, so much work. Sure we suffered through a lot of contractors – some very good, others were cheats. We still lost money on the deal, primarily because we paid such a premium back when the market was so hot in 2005. We thought about not moving, but we were so crowded and cramped after nine years. We thought about renting, but the dangers of rentals (not making positive income every month, damages by tenants) scared us off. In the end, we just wanted to get out of being “real estate moguls” owning two houses, and moving on with our lives. That meant the single family home we wanted, with room to breathe.
  • The year was so stressful. I cannot stress that enough. It wasn’t about taking the kids from one activity to another, exactly. However,
    • I was never around because I was working late. Namita had to do all of the running around and coordinating on her own.
    • Selling the townhouse with a surprisingly non-helpful realty company.
    • Finding contractors to come out and do work on the house to get it presentable.
    • Making unplanned repairs because work wasn’t done properly years before we purchased the townhouse.
    • Moving our belongings over the course of months to a storage facility.
    • Cleaning up the townhouse at the end, and getting out before closing.
  • With all of the stress of 2014, Namita and I had time for one date night the day after Christmas. One date. The entire year. It was good to get away, but we needed more time to connect this year.

The kids are always changing in some ways, staying the same in others.

  • Joshua is now nine years old, approaching double digits, and attending the Fourth grade. Lily is six years old, approaching teenage girl status, and attending First grade. They both take the bus to school together, which is both nice and stressful (“The bus will be here in 2 minutes!!!!”)
  • Lily is still a tom boy, but she’s still into dance and now Girl Scouts.
  • Joshua is pretty much the same, but taller. He’s into Pokemon, Cub Scouts, and more Pokemon.
  • Speaking of Cub Scouts, Josh was Numero Uno in popcorn sales this year, and got the honor of throwing a pie in my face.
  • Both kids started karate classes together. They love it immensely.
  • Their maternal grandfather is teaching the kids how to play guitar. Although it was Lily’s request, Josh is the only one with a real interest now. Lily just wants to be a rock star.

Trips

  • Business trip to Seattle, Washington -My first business of the year, and with this group. In fact, it’s my first work-related trip since….. I went to Dallas in June 2010. Oh the irony — a fellow who likes to travel for work, and hadn’t traveled in four years.
  • Family road trip to Michigan – It was Martin Luther King Jr weekend, and we had just three days to drive out to Michigan, see our friends Paul, Biji, and their young son (for the first time), and get back for work on Monday. Exhausting, but mission accomplished.
  • Family road trip to Virginia – We drove down to Virginia for a surprise 50th birthday party for one of my wife’s cousins. Virginia isn’t a tough hike, and it was good to see their family.
  • Business trip to Boston, Massachusetts – I took the AMTRAK up to Boston for this trip, braving the recent snowstorm. It was my first time performing an assessment for this firm on my own. Went fine, saw Colin Jost at a comedy club, and met a woman who thought she was a chicken.
  • Business trip to Washington, D.C. – I took the AMTRAK to DC. The weather was nicer so I was able to take pictures after work. I couldn’t get a reasonably priced hotel in town, so I took the commuter train back and forth from Falls Church.
  • Business trip to San Francisco, California – A very interesting cross-country trip. Met some East Coast and Midwest friends who happened to be out there at the same time, believe it or not.
  • Business trip to Orlando, Florida – Another interesting trip, but with much more drama. At least the weather was nice.
  • Business trip to Chicago, Illinois – I flew out and performed an assessment with one of our newer colleagues. It was so cold the first day, and I had not brought any warm casual clothes — just a t-shirt, shorts, and sandals. Before dinner on the first night, I walked to the nearest Banana Republic, and did my best re-enactment from Pretty Woman. Bought a new shirt, new jeans, and new casual sneakers. Rest of the trip was uneventful. My coworker and I even got to see the new X-Men film one night. I flew Southwest for the first time, where you are somehow always guaranteed a middle seat.
  • Business trip to Toronto, Canada – My last trip of the year as life got worse at the office. The vendor wanted an employee to go out, so I spoke with them, explained the approach, and went there myself to smooth everything out. Went well overall, and met an old Citi colleague for lunch one day. The work was smooth overall, but lack of wifi meant I had to camp out at the local 24-hour Tim Hortons a lot. Travel there and back was problematic. Missed flight on the way there, and cancelled flight on the way back (due to storms.) Had to stay an additional night, then catch the first 5 am flight (booked on my behalf by United) out to Chicago, then New Jersey, then go home to shower and freshen up, and then drive back to the office to deal with unneeded BS about why I “decided” to go to Chicago. Someone thought I was running some scam to see O’Hare Airport for 45 minutes.

That was it for trips. A very busy first half, but a hard stop replaced by drama. Sometimes, I just can’t even fathom how some people think.

Favorite Moments

  • Moving into our new home. We wondered for many years when and how would we be able to get a bigger house. And now we can entertain large parties. And BBQ. Hosting family and friends for Thanksgiving and Christmas this year.
  • I liked BBQing for those parties, and finding out the food came out well. What a nice feeling.
  • Playing with the kids during those few moments that I had free time.
  • Getting new things for the house. Heck, the concept that now have the big new house slowly sinking into my brain.
  • Meeting all of our new neighbors, who are friendly and nice. We’ve gotten to know people in the neighborhood, got invited to both a Halloween party and a New Year’s Eve party. The neighborhood Moms get the kids together to play. Namita has made fast friends with many of them. I’m even Facebook friends with them.
  • Enjoying our one and only date night this year.
  • Joining a gym and losing half of the weight I want to lose. The other half needs to go in 2015.

Worst Moments

If I had to guess the worst moments of 2014, I would have to say:

  1. The situation at work. It was the complete opposite of what I had expected going in. A complete bait and switch. A different management structure, and then a completely different role than I had come there to do. If you ended up interviewing with Voldemort himself, and found out the job was something you would hate, would you have taken it?
  2. Trying to sell the townhouse. Everything about the process was painful.

Other Stuff

I watched 25 films this year, all very interesting, and all a mix of recent films and old classics.

Best films I watched:

Worst films I watched:

Looking Ahead to 2015 (with much joy)

I am indeed looking ahead to 2015. I have gotten away from Lumbergh and the madness of where I worked. I want to enjoy working again. I want to better control work-related madness in 2015 so I don’t have to be the absentee parent again. We only own one house now. We can focus. The bills are now manageable (no more two mortgages!)  We can go on vacations again. Here’s my list of the good things happening (or will be happening) in 2015, in no particular order:

  • Starting my new job in January, and returning to New York, the greatest city ever.
  • Traveling to Orlando for a whirlwind 4-day trip to see Universal Studios and Disney World in January.
  • Traveling to Michigan this summer to see our Midwest friends.
  • Enhancing our “finished” basement by “finishing” it more. More drywall, decorations, mounting my home theater speakers, and identifying key functional areas within that large room.
  • Unboxing the 1,001 boxes that are still sitting around the house.
  • Completing Phase 1 of wiring the house for Gigabit Ethernet. In-wall computer networking & wiring means faster network for all sorts of devices throughout the house.
  • The lease on my Maxima will be up, and I kinda want a fancier new car.
  • Dedicating some of my free time for both the CISSP and CISM certifications. Yes, both in 2015, suckers.

 

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